Thursday, December 18, 2014

Thursday Scramble: December 18, 2014

Grey? Gray? Or December in Chicago
My Magic Kingdom for some sun
I really wish the Walt Disney World Marathon would get here (Jan 11th). Not because I'm tired of training in the cold (although that is quickly becoming true) and not because I want marathon training to be over. I want it to be here so I can be reminded that somewhere in the world the sun still shines. Schmitty's cue ball good lucks aren't just form, they are functional. My head is like a freakin human solar panel. I need the sun. I love the sun. Why no sun? SUNSHINE WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!!!!!!

But I digest.

The Triathlife is now outfitted with the Jawbone Up. It's a fitness tracking band thing worn on the wrist. It tracks my steps by day and my by sleep by night. And it syncs to my iPhone via bluetooth with a clever little smartphone app to collect and track all this data.

Gracious! What did we ever do before the Jawbone Up? How did our ancestors survive? We live in such miraculous times - where you can order a burrito using a smartphone app and then find out how many steps it took to walk from the car to the counter for in-store pick up. SCIENCE!

Jen loves this stuff. It appeals to her Type A nature. To me it's more of a game. And it looks pretty cool on my wrist so there's that.

Like I said, it's called the Jawbone Up but I call it my "jib jab" because for the longest time, out of shear laziness or maybe my contrarian attitude, I refused to put the ever so clever - "Jawbone" - to memory. Kind of like a little boy who can't pronounce his sister's name so she forever becomes known by the cute moniker he created for her. But apparently it's not so cute when a 42 year old man does it. Of course if I were older it would just be kind of sad, like -- "ohhhh, Schmitty is really slipping, isn't he?" Instead I am the recipient of Jen's shaking head and rolling eyes of derision.

In addition to tracking steps, sleep and looking cool, the Jawbone serves as my new alarm clock. It's supposed to buzz me awake during my lightest sleep closest to the set alarm time...the theory is that I will wake more refreshed. The experiment is ongoing and the data collected so far is inconclusive. Though I think it's just a matter of time, one of these mornings, that I throw the damn thing across the room. Light sleep or not.

You know what really grinds my gears?
  • Drivers who back into parking spaces and garages. 
  • The guy at the gym who leaves his sweaty clothes in a festering stink pile under the bench when he goes to shower.
  • Other runners who don't say good morning
  • Men's tapered, ankle, cuff pants. (Don't.
  • Those shifty eyed squirrels and their yo-yo diets. 
-- HIM

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